Grief

Okay, so it seems like I should be mostly back to normal life - after all, it's been 3 days without our sweet dog Gracie. Why does it still hurt so much? I find myself expecting to have her come around the corner, or be lying by the warm fire. When I walk in the door I think I hear the jingle of her collar, but it's an illusion. I get up in the middle of the night and realize I'm trying to avoid stepping on the dog (she slept by my side of the bed), but she's not there, and her bed is gone. I drop food in the kitchen and my first thought is to call the dog - she'll clean it up. I go to talk to her but she's not there. Even the cat is wandering around the house looking lost - I think she's looking for her friend. She stands at corners looking around them, I think she's trying to see if Gracie is there. The house is so empty seeming. I realized that whenever I'm home, the dog is there....and she follows me from room to room, thus the nickname "Velcro Dog."

John and I need to start walking again, but will I be able to walk all those walks near home - the ones that Gracie always came on? Even going somewhere else to walk is hard, because she would go with us when we went anywhere to walk. I know, though, that she would want us to continue on without her.

So, it is a big hole and I guess it will take time to heal.